I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
