I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
