Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
