So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
