Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
