btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
