thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
