I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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