you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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