If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Boobs are out for the taking
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
