dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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