he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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