help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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