So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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