i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
