i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
