Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
