If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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