he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
