he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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