If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Randomize
