I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
