You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
