Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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