I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
