I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
not ubering you a puppy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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