I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
