Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
