I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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