dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
