Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
