she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
