Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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