You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
