You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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