I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
