Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
