Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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