Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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