He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
