just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
