I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
