his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My ass is underappreciated
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
