i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
