i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
