My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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