the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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