I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
