I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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