I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
