You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
