His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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