I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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